Hope and ugly shirts

Have you ever gone to the store, needing a new shirt, so hopeful about what you expect to find, and bought what appeared to be the perfect one, then got home only to discover that it was the ugliest thing you've ever laid eyes on?  Then you stick it in the closet, and look at it every week or two, hoping against hope that it will magically change into what it was at the store.  Suddenly, years have flown by, and you realize this ugly thing is still in your closet.  But wait!  You now have a skirt that matches it perfectly, and even though the shirt is hideous alone...combine it with that skirt, and you have a fashion miracle!  LOL
Sometimes I feel like my life is that shirt.  Just under a year ago, I was hopeful about the direction my life was taking.  I was preparing to go to the temple and be sealed to my family, I was excited about personal discoveries relating to members of my family, I was new to a calling that I love and that I knew would bring great spiritual growth to me and to my family, and we were hoping that-after almost a year of trying-we would soon be welcoming a new member into our family.  
Now, a year later, I continue to look at that shirt regularly, hoping that somehow, by some miracle, it will become my favorite one.  We have still not made it to the temple.  The things I discovered about said family member are no longer.  The child we so hoped for never did come to us, and we are no longer in a position to expect that child to ever come to us.  The calling, which I dearly love, has sustained me throughout this last difficult year of my life.  Through it, through my service to those I work with in my calling and those I serve, and through serving the Lord, I have learned a great deal, and been given a seemingly endless supply of hope, courage, love, and strength.  There have been many times that it's seemed like I could not continue.  During those times, I have often been able to turn my mind to the work I do, and find the strength and desire to hang on just a little longer, if for no other reason than that those people need me, and the Lord needs me where I am.  
In reflecting on other areas of my life, I continue to hope that somehow the actions I'm taking in my life will help me to grow and be lifted up.  I hope that I see as much change in the coming year as I have in the past one.  I hope that I can be the example I need to be, and that I can see more clearly the answers to my prayers.   I hope I can determine the best direction I need to take now, and in the future
I know that prayers are always answered, even though we may not see it, or like the answer we receive at that time.  It reminds me of a beautiful poem I heard once:

My Life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the under side.

Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.

 Despite all the sorrow I've experience in the last year, I can't help but wonder if this is all necessary in order for me to experience the beautiful completed picture.  Without the hard parts, it just wouldn't be the same.

Be ye therefore perfect...

Yesterday was our combined RS/PH meeting.  I don't get to go, because I am in the primary presidency and, well, someone has to take care of all the kiddos!  But I did peek in a couple of times when it seemed like primary was going smoothly.  One of the scriptures they talked about extensively was Be ye therefore perfect, even as your father which is in Heaven is perfect. (Matthew 5:48)  I was thinking about that scripture, and about the commandment we receive in it...and it occurred to me-why would our Father give us a commandment that is impossible?  He wouldn't.  It IS possible for us to become perfect.  BUT it does NOT say be ye therefore perfect RIGHT NOW.  Obviously he knows it is something we have to work at, something that is a process, and he doesn't expect it of us this instant.  But he does expect it of us, one step at a time.  And I realized-I need to stop making excuses for myself.  I always make excuses for myself with keeping my home clean, with my prayer and scripture study, and with many other things.  I have no excuse.  I'm not even trying, I'm giving it the effort I want to spare, and making excuses for the rest, that HF doesn't expect me to be perfect. Well, he does, and from now on I'm going to try a lot harder to be perfect.  To make my home a place of refuge for my family, by keeping it clean, by inviting the spirit into my home, by being loving toward my family and not losing my temper.  And by leaning a lot more and confiding a lot more in my Father.  We CAN become perfect.  And it can even be achieved in this lifetime.  

I often say to my husband "There was only one perfect person, and it's not me!"  But that's not true.  Christ was the only sinless person.  But there were others who attained perfection.  The three Nephites were among those.  It is possible.  

I know that I will make mistakes, because obviously I have not yet reached perfection.  And for that we have the Atonement.  That is what will help us reach perfection on the days that we just aren't capable of it (which, if you're anything like me, will be at least 24 times a day!)