Finding the joys in our trials

One of the things that really stands out to me from my TOFW experience was watching a brief video at the very beginning of women stating things that they knew.  Many different women, many different things.  One woman said that she knew that the reason she wasn't chosen to be a mother in this life is because she has other things she needs to work on more.  The thought struck me-she is already such a perfect mother that God is giving her an opportunity to improve in other areas first. 
It's no secret that I've been wanting more children for the past 4 years.  I have 2 beautiful daughters, whom I love so much.  But I also love the other children that I know are meant to be a part of my family as well.  I've had people tell me to just be thankful that at least I have children, when there are so many women who can't even have 1!  The feelings of guilt that come to any women experiencing secondary infertility who hears that are indescribable.  I am so thankful for my daughters.  They are such a joy to me.  But they can't replace the children I haven't had yet.  I would compare that to losing a child, and someone saying-"Well, at least you have 2 other kids to love!"  One child can't replace another.
So through this trial of secondary infertility, it became clear that I had other things to work on.  I'm not a perfect mother, by any means.  But I've gotten to a point that I'm doing okay there and need to focus on other areas for a time. 
Another difficulty I've had is in watching so many women around me be pregnant.  Again, the pain at seeing so many "accidents" and tears of sorrow as a result is just indescribable.  I seriously used to wonder if God was playing some kind of sick joke on me.  And then it hit me-God isn't punishing me.  He is giving me a gift.  Because He knows of my desire for another child, and He also knows it isn't the right time to send more spirits to our earthly family, He has given me the gift of being able to watch so many women experience the joy and pain of pregnancy, and watch all these precious souls come to Earth, and learn and grow.  He has given me the gift of being a second, or even third, mother to these children, given me the gift of having the opportunity to give my love to them.  It's a gift He gave me to help me through this challenging time in my life. 
I'm so thankful for the trials I have in my life, and for the lessons that come from them.  For the appreciation they give me for what I have and where I'm at, and for the person they mold me into.  If my life were easy, I'd never find any joy in it.